It's been a while

I know, it's been a while since I've posted. I just haven't been in the mood to talk about anything. I don't think I'm depressed.... but I'm definitely going through a slump, trying to get over finding out I'm pregnant and trying to move into the getting excited faze. I had a setback, too. I went to my doctor Monday for the first time, thinking that I was about 13-16 weeks pregnant... but I'm not :( I'm only 7 weeks pregnant. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does. It now feels like the pregnancy is going to last FOREVER. They say I'm due November 4, but I had my other two kids almost a month early, so I'm expecting sometime in October. So here's the little ultrasound:

I know that this should probably get me excited.. but it doesn't. Probably because I'm not very far along in my pregnancy and it's just a tiny dot. The one thing that does make me happy is that it's only one dot... and not two... or THREE! I know that I'll get more excited. I think being so sick and tired isn't helping the situation either. 

One of the big let downs of this whole thing, is accepting the fact that right now, I can't lose weight, and I can run, but nothing like I was doing. I was so proud of myself for losing over 50 pounds and for running over 3 miles regularly. Those were things I never thought I'd be able to do, but I was doing it. It seems like this pregnancy just put a big HALT STOP CAN'T DO IT sign in my head. The doctor said I could still run, just not too strenuously, but I just haven't been able to get myself to do it. I feel like it's going to hurt, and I'm going to be slow, and it's going to be like starting all over, since I've taken 3 weeks off. And I'm SO TIRED all the time. JD doesn't sleep through the night yet, and even if he did, I still think I'd be tired. I think part of that is from all the throwing up and nausea I've been dealing with, and then nursing, and trying to feed myself, JD, and this new growing baby. I have one more month of nursing JD so hopefully it will get better after that. 

I am just counting down the days until this baby is here so I can start losing weight and exercising again! My doctor said she really doesn't want me to gain more than 20lbs this pregnancy. Which I'm TOTALLY fine with. That's excluding the water retention if I get Pre Eclampsia. With both of my other children, I got pre-eclampsia (it's seriously high blood pressure caused by the placenta that basically causes me to be induced... and it's very dangerous). Typically, the more times you have it, the more likely you are to get it. I don't have BP problems outside of pregnancy, but it gets bad during pregnancy. With JD, I was put on bedrest at 28 weeks... which was TERRIBLE! I'm praying that that doesn't happen this time. Anyways... when the Pre-E. kicks in, I start retaining water really really bad. I will gain a good 15-20 pounds in about a day from water retention/swelling. NO JOKE. But as soon as the baby delivers, it pretty much goes away. So the 20 pounds the doctor wants me to stay under, is excluding the water retention, because there's nothing I can do about that. The Pre-E is not preventable either, although I'm doing anything and everything I can from reading online to try and prevent it. Whatever happens, happens, I guess. 

So besides all of that, I've been slightly concerned about Isabella's weight. The doctor has never said anything negative about it, but I'm still concerned. She is tall, really tall for her age. I didn't realize it, until she gets around kids older than her. But she's also big... really big ... for her age.. and she carries a lot of her weight in her stomach. Anyways, I never want to say negative things to her, or talk about dieting. I don't even want to talk about exercising to lose weight. So I just decided, as the weather gets nicer, we are going to spend most of the day outside. Saturday, we spent all but 2 hours of the day outside, and Sunday we spent the whole day, excluding church/nap time outside. We played on the playground, did softball, rode the 4 wheeler. I think also, being out of the house, helps us both not want to snack (she's a snacker too). We already had emptied our house of most sweets, but I also went and bought a HUGE bowl of grapes and some pretty decent granola bars. When she wants something, instead of fish crackers, or a cookie, or something like that, I tell her to get some grapes. The first day, she got mad, but now she's fine with it. I'm hoping that this summer, we can change her habits, and shape her body a little better. I'm not obsessing about it, I just want to be a good Mom and have a healthy child. I don't want her to struggle with her weight and her body image her whole life, so I want to do what I can now to help that. Again, I think it's important that I never tell her, "let's go outside and play so we can exercise because we need to lose weight." I just say, "let's go outside and play." I also don't say, "eat some grapes because the other stuff is making you gain weight or is bad for you." I just say, "If you want something, there's grapes in the fridge. That's your only option right now." Here's some pictures from the weekend with the kids:

10 Weeks Pregnant.. or Something Like That

Hi friends! Just figured I'd hop in to give a little update. Last week, I got very VERY sick. I thought it was the pregnancy, but now that it's over, I'm not so sure. Starting about Thursday, I was extremely nauseous.... all the time. By Friday through all of Saturday I was throwing up pretty much constantly. Anytime I put something in my mouth, soon after, I would throw it up. It didn't matter if it was saltine crackers or a hamburger (the latter, I didn't actually try). My point is, I threw up... a lot. It was terrible. I was exhausted, I was empty of nutrition, and I was very frustrated! Thankfully, by Sunday, the nausea/vomiting had ended. One positive... I lost 5 pounds haha. :)

I feel great this week. Pretty good on energy and great on the stomach/eating/aching area. I'm slowly starting to get excited about being pregnant! I think I will really be excited after I go to the doctor on Monday for my first visit. I'm anxious to hear that I DO NOT have twins!!! (at least that's REALLY REALLY REALLY what I hope I hear). Once I have that appointment, and find out exactly how far along I am, I think it will be easier to get excited!

So this is how I looked the majority of last week. No Joke.

I pretty much just wanted to sleep. Laying down seemed to help with the nausea so that's mostly what I did. Thankfully, Paul was very kind about the whole thing and really helped with the kids. One day, I had just thrown up and came back to lay on the couch. JD had just woke up so I had him sitting beside me. I moaned really loud because my stomach was hurting... and this is what he started doing: 

LAUGHING AT ME :) Apparently he thought me being sick was very funny. How can you resist that face though? I just love him. 

I have been eating pretty good since my sickness. I'll admit, I've had ice cream a couple of times. After not being able to eat anything for several days, ice cream just sounded so good to me, and I felt like I deserved it after all that sickness :) 

Yesterday, I also did one of my new prenatal Yoga videos! I don't think it had but one.. ONE.. yoga move in it. The rest was pretty intense aerobic stuff that had my heart racing.

I think it was really good though and I felt good after doing it. Now that I'm feeling better, I also want to get back to running. I don't want to just stop that completely. I really hope that I can keep that up.... maybe not as long or as fast, but when I get done having this baby, I plan on getting right back on the wagon!

One funny thing I want to share. I don't remember what day, but Isabella came up to me in the kitchen and said, "Mom, your stomach is getting HUGE from that baby! WOW!" (again.. I'm maybe 3 months pregnant tops, so I'm not showing at all haha). I said, "Well thanks a lot Isabella." So then, 30 minutes later, she drew me an "I'm sorry/ Get Well" card. 

She said it's me and her and a flower and the sunshine :) She is so thoughtful :) 

One Week Since My Life Changed

It's been one week since I found out I was pregnant. I'm still not over the frustration of it. I am starting to get excited though. I think I would get over the frustration if I wasn't feeling so bad. I feel SO NAUSEOUS and SO HUNGRY all the time. I'm also on an antibiotic from the kidney infection and that has my stomach in knots as well :( I don't feel exhausted like I did when I was pregnant with JD... I just feel sick... pretty much all the time. And my sense of smell! It's RIDICULOUS. Last night, the small of raw beef as I was trying to fry it made me run to the bathroom... then I couldn't eat the dinner I had cooked... so I ate a bowl of cereal... that's all that sounded remotely appetizing. I just want to feel better. The only thing I'm clinging to is that normally after the first trimester it's not as bad, and I'm 9 weeks or so pregnant, so not much longer there. I go to the doctor a week from Monday for the first time.... that will be exciting.

Anyways, it's also been a week since I've ran. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I haven't wanted to do anything... I've also been really busy. I'd really like to lose another 10 pounds before I go to the doctor. I know... you're not supposed to lose weight when you're pregnant, but I really think it's going to happen. 1) because I'm going to start working out again (the dr. said I could), and 2) because I'm nursing still, and can't keep much down. I'd really like to keep my weight gain during this pregnancy under 25 lbs... if I do that, then when the pregnancy is over, I'll be about where I started when I started the weightloss journey this January.

So, other than that, I'll just update on my week. When I was at the doctor last Thursday, the nurse took my blood. This doctor's office has been terrible to me the last 3 weeks... too many things to explain.. but I will share this picture:

This is my arm.... a week later. I wish I would have taken a picture the day after. When she was taking my blood, she was already very rough, but she tried to take a phone call on her cell phone (from my OB, but STILL), and in the process, she dug the needle farther in then accidentally jerked it out. It hurt so bad. I was already crying from finding out I was pregnant, so I guess she thought nothing of it. She said, " Sorry that might've hurt a little, but it's fine." She then tried to pull the cotton swab off of it, but when she did it was literally pouring blood. UGH. And for the next 3 days, I couldn't extend my arm all the way... no joke. That top bruise is where the needle was in. The bottom bruise I guess was caused by the trauma to the vein. I will NEVER go back there. EVER. 

Anyways, my kids have been extra sweet/fun the last couple of days. I'm trying to treasure every moment I can get with them, since things are about to get more hectic and crazy! Especially with Isabella, since she's going to kindergarten next year. I let her and JD take a bath together and JD loved it! He loved being out of his little tiny baby bath :) 

Then Bella decided she wanted to wear her footed pajamas from her grandma! It was cold outside but I knew it wouldn't last long. 

Sometime in the middle of the night, she took it off and got "naked" (just panties) because she was hot. She for the most part sleeps without any clothes on... even when it's snowing/freezing outside!

Paul and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary on Tuesday. We have had a lot of changes in our lives in 2 years. Essentially... 2 babies in 2 years haha.... well 2 and a half years. WOW! We went to Outback thanks to a gift card I had received from work. We had to take the kids, but they were SO good, and the food was SO GOOD (my stomach didn't appreciate it about an hour later though). 

Just one more picture I want to share... mostly so I have it somewhere and don't lose it cause I think it's hilarious. Sunday after church, we had several house showings, so we had to take the kids with us (during their usual nap time). So I looked back during the drive to one of the houses and saw this: 

This whole picture cracks me up. She always sleeps in the car like that, with her legs spread as wide as possible, and her mouth wide open.... typically with drool coming out. HAHA. I love her so much though! 

Ok so anyways, this week. I want to try to eat healthy and keep my calories under 2,100. I think this is a good calorie range for being pregnant and nursing. But mostly, I'm just going to eat good choices when I'm hungry and when I can stomach it. Right now, I'm way under 2,100, but I'm trying. I'm also going to try and work out (not necessarily run), but exercise, at least 4 times this upcoming week. 

Everything is Changing

Hello everyone... or myself, since I'm pretty sure I'm one of 3 people that read this. I haven't written in a week, because I wasn't even sure if I was going to continue this blog. It really seems kind of pointless now. I've been having problems with my kidney (my left one)... with chronic urinary tract infections/kidney infections. Now, more than ever, I'm convinced that these problems are caused or partly caused by the severe pre eclampsia that I had with both of my children. I may talk about all of that on another day, and the research I'm doing.

Anyways, last Thursday, I was at the doctor for yet another kidney problem, and I was informed that I am 8 weeks pregnant! This was a shock to me because I have been on birth control ever since JD was born, I have been nursing, and I have not had a period yet. To say I was devastated is an understatement. I still have moments where I tear up about it and get angry about it. I will love this baby, and I will get excited, but sometimes, it's hard.

I think this is the hardest part... recognizing that this dream of losing weight, is not going to happen right now. I was really getting excited about my running goals, and about the weight I was losing. It really sucks that I have to stop losing weight. REALLY SUCKS! And it will be close to February ... close to a year... before I can really start back. The doctor said I could run... and so I plan to still run... not as hard, not as fast, and not as long... but I do plan on exercising. I also plan on eating healthy (I am 5 days out from having any diet cokes and very very little caffeine). I also plan on doing anything I can do to increase my chances of preventing pre eclampsia with this baby. I believe it is possible to prevent it. Doctors won't say that, but after a lot of research, I think I can at least significantly increase my odds.

I think I'm going to try to keep up with this blog. Obviously, the topics will shift a little. I still do want to eat healthy.. now more than ever.. and I want to consistently exercise. I would like to keep my weight gain for the entire pregnancy below 20 pounds. I know that this is ok health wise because of my current weight.

So that's that. I don't really have much more to say about the topic right now. Maybe I'll get more excited and talk more about all of it soon. I hope I have a healthy/easy pregnancy, and I hope I have a healthy baby. This is most definitely be the last one... so maybe, just maybe, I can experience one normal pregnancy.