Atkins

So the last week I did some real soul searching about losing weight. I haven't been able to stick to my plan at all.... there is so much temptation in the house with bad foods, and when we eat out, I don't know how to make low calorie decisions at all. I also keep forgetting to log my food into My Fitness Pal. I want to sit here and say, " I want to lose weight SO bad..." but obviously I don't want to bad enough, because I haven't made any major changes since starting this whole journey.

I think that I need a formatted diet, that tells me exactly what I can/can't eat. I've tried a lot of fad diets, all that promised quick results (which they did give) but that didn't last. Not to mention, as soon as I got off of the diet, I ballooned.. MAJOR! I know that the best way to lose weight would be to just commit to healthy eating and exercising, but I'm not there yet. I've been doing a lot of researching about the Atkins diet. I've done a version of it once before (when I was 14) and had a lot of success with it.

I've decided today to start that, because at the beginning, it's very basic with what I can/can't have, so it's easy to plan/stick to. Every night, I lay in bed thinking about what my life would be like if I was skinny... imagining shopping at normal clothing stores, thinking about how people would react, how my husband would react, how it would affect my kids in such a positive way.

I know it wouldn't take much more than a year, and when talking in long term times, a year doesn't seem long at all. But on a daily basis, mentally, a year seems like forever. I just want to get control of my mind. I want to be proud of myself. I want to weigh under 200 lbs! I want to wear normal size clothes. I want to not be self-conscious every time my husband touches me. I want to not hid what I eat, and sneak food. I want to be a new person. I want to not always wonder if people are looking at me because I'm fat. I want to be free from this sickness/addiction/controlling habit.

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So far today, I've done great. I scrambled 3 eggs for breakfast, and they tasted good. I don't have a lot of veggies at the house right now, so I'm going to run by the store and get some this afternoon. When I got to work, all I could think about was one of the 50 candy bars in the kitchen. I grabbed a kit kat and took it back to my office to eat (even though I wasn't hungry). I decided to look up how to count net carbs (I'm allowed between 18-22 a day, preferably 20, but the majority of them have to come from veggies). Well... the kit kat was pretty much my entire carb count... and I hadn't had any veggies yet. WOW! Never realized how many carbs stuff has, never even thought to look. I didn't think it would be that high, but it was. No wonder I haven't been losing weight SHEESH I know I was eating way too many calories, but I most definitely was eating WAY too many carbs too. So then I started the mind games of saying, "I'll just have 1 of the 4 bars of the Kit Kat." I thought and thought about it, but then I decided... COMMIT KRYSTAL, COMMIT! So, today, I'm going to COMMIT! My head is probably going to hurt from the lack of sugar/caffeine. But I'm going to commit. Tomorrow, I'm going to COMMIT! And pray. Seriously, though... I do think to overcome my mind and the temptations, it's going to take a lot of prayer. So I'm going to pray and commit... and OVERCOME!